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rumpelsnorcackFandom: Doctor Who
Pairing: Amy/Rory
Rating: PG
WordCount: 2,589
Summary: Even though the thought of him moving on, leaving her stuck behind in Leadworth, made Amy's heart ache, she didn't let Rory know how much she was going to miss him. It wasn't safe to let people know how much you needed them.
A/N: Thanks to the brilliant
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professor_spork for the beta.
Amelia watched Rory all her life. That is, she watched him all her life after he moved in down the road just after her eighth birthday. His family had lived in Leadworth for years, but since they had lived on the other side of town Amelia hadn't really paid Rory much attention. From the time that he moved closer, however, Rory Williams had been oddly fascinating to her. He was always kind of anxious in a way that her eight year old self knew was a bit – well, a bit much. Even so, he stood out from the other boys.
At almost-eleven he was entering that gawky, gangly phase of growth where no body part seemed to move in unison with any other one; yet somehow it worked for Rory. While he played football with the other boys, and joined in when they made stupid jokes and pushed each other a lot, Rory always seemed a little distanced from them. The football and the joking and the pushing were only a part of who he was. He also cared about people; always the first to offer comfort if someone else was hurt. He was a little alien – separate from the pack, but almost blending in. Rory reminded Amelia of her Raggedy Doctor, though without the tattered clothes. He was so much taller than her; older and different and interesting.
Eight year old Amelia Pond was no shrinking violet. She had learned long ago that other people thought she was a bit odd and prone to doing outrageous things, so she started doing outrageous things just to shock them. That behaviour had its advantages – it meant that no-one thought it odd when she marched up to talk to the boy, almost three years older than her. At least, they didn't think it was odd until she opened her mouth and demanded that he play Doctor with her. In hindsight, that hadn't been the best way to broach the subject. Mrs Poggit, who had been passing by, clamped her hands to her mouth and hurried off, probably to tell Aunt Sharon about Amelia's dreadful suggestion to the nice Williams boy. Rory was staring at her in shock. Amelia rolled her eyes and tried again.
'I have a friend,' she clarified. 'He's a Doctor and I want someone to pretend to be him. I want you to pretend to be him.' Amelia looked up at the boy in front of her with her most winning look: the one Aunt Sharon always fell for. She could see him sizing her up and finding her interesting. The other children in the village usually shunned Amelia. They whispered that she had seen psychologists, and the way she talked about the Doctor made them uneasy. She could see them shrinking away when she began to tell them about the Doctor and how one day he would come back and take her to the stars. They knew she was mad and that madness could be catching. Rory finding her interesting was such a different experience that Amelia couldn't help staring at him, perplexed.
'Tell me about him,' Rory said, cutting into her thoughts, and Amelia glowered at him.
'Why are you teasing me?' she demanded.
'I'm not teasing you.' Rory's voice was indignant. 'How can I play something when I don't know what it's about? You have to be fair.'
Amelia smiled, a dimple appearing in her cheek. She had him now, she realised. This fascinating boy, who didn't quite seem to fit into the village either, was going to be her friend. She grabbed the sleeve of his t-shirt and pulled him towards her house, to show him her collection of Doctor toys and stories.
Amelia watched him throughout her turbulent adolescence: through her first boyfriend who made Rory's voice go stiff and artificially cheerful whenever she talked about him, and through changing her name to Amy one day because Aunt Sharon annoyed her so much that she stubbornly refused to answer to Amelia anymore. Amy leaned on Rory's friendship through all four psychiatrists who tried to explain that the Doctor was imaginary before being bitten for their troubles. Rory was there through it all: still fascinating, still older, still different. With the passage of time came familiarity and stability. No matter what she did, Rory was always there for her and that stability felt alien to Amy, though she didn't know why.
No one ever stuck around. Then again, there hadn't been anyone in Amy's life to stick around, which had always felt vaguely wrong. Surely she must have had parents at some point, even if she couldn't remember them. Whenever she'd ask, though, Aunt Sharon would just frown and crease her forehead as if she couldn't remember, either. Eventually, Amy stopped asking. That's how she knew something would come along to make Rory disappear – inevitably, something always did. So she kept him at a distance to protect her heart, and held him as close as she could for as long as she could risk it, so that she could savor the way he made her feel – liked, and wanted, and, well, cherished. Because for some reason, Rory Williams cherished her, when no one else ever had. At fourteen, it was the most thrilling thing she'd ever experienced; she didn't know what it meant, but was certain she wanted more. Yet she never once, by any flicker of an eyelash, let Rory know quite how much his friendship meant to her.
When Rory's parents sent him away for a few weeks over summer one year, Amy wandered the streets of Leadworth with dull steps and listlessly tried to find something to do. Jeff, her ex-boyfriend, tried to cheer her up but failed miserably.
'Will you be the Doctor for me?' she asked a few days after Rory had left. Jeff snorted.
'Oh, Aims, really? You're still into the childhood play friend? Haven't you got over that yet?' He laughed and shook his head, wearing the look that adults always did when she talked about the Doctor. 'Come on, let's go get some food.' He put his arm around her shoulder and led her away from the green.
Disgruntled, Amy went with him, but her heart wasn't in it. Rory was just there a lot, and they didn't always do much together, often just hanging out on the village green. But he never once snorted when she talked about the Doctor; never showed with even one flicker of his eye that he thought she was mental. Amy sighed. She couldn't wait til Rory came home, and that was the night that she began counting down the days on her calendar.
'Oh, there you are,' she said with a sardonic smile when Rory reappeared looking tanned and relaxed. 'Finally remembered what we all looked like down here, then?'
'I missed you too, Amy,' Rory said giving her a hug before quickly backing away with a blush. Amy smiled at him and slid her hand into his. She held his gaze for several long moments and his blush deepened. Amy laughed. 'Come on, Rory,' she said as she dragged him behind her. Her hand tingled as it rested in his and she felt alive in a way she hadn't realised she'd missed while Rory had been away.
Rory stopped walking and Amy lurched to a stop too, anchored by his hand in hers. She looked at him, quirking her eyebrow as if to say 'what's the matter? It's time to have some fun.'
'I have to tell you something Amy, and I don't think you're going to like it.' Rory looked uncomfortable and slid his hand out of hers and stuffed it in his jeans pocket. Amy looked at him in surprise.
'Don't tell me you're going to grow a ponytail again. It's not a good look for you,' she teased.
Rory grimaced and shook his head. 'I ... I'm going away for a bit. Going to university ...' he trailed off, not quite meeting her eyes.
'Oh.' It was all Amy could think of to say. Her rock was being dragged away from her, just like she had always expected. Her face fell and she sat down on a nearby wall, uncaring that her neighbours weren't very fond of having her perch all over their flowerbeds.
'I'll mostly be here, though,' Rory said, his old anxiety coming out again as he sat down next to Amy, carefully trying to avoid trampling any flowers. 'I mean, the university isn't that far away and I have a car ...'
'Yeah, that's cool,' Amy said, though the flatness of her voice belied her words. She had just realised how important having Rory around was and now he was going to leave her too. 'When are you buggering off then? I could do with a bit of peace and quiet.' Amy's voice was back to its usual cheerful tone. She glanced at Rory from under lowered lashes, a hint of a smile flirting on her face.
Unfortunately, Rory was the only one she could never fool with her bravado. Instead of reacting as he usually did when she flirted outrageously with him, by blushing and stammering, Rory shifted closer to her and took her hand again.
'I promise I won't disappear. I'll never leave you alone, you know that.'
Strangely, Amy believed him. 'What are you going to study anyway?' she asked in a more natural voice.
'You're going to laugh ...'
'No I won't.'
'Yeah you will, but it doesn't matter.' He took a deep breath and blurted out, 'I want to be a nurse.'
Amy looked at him, taking in his earnest expression and suddenly smiled. The warm, natural smile lit up her whole face. 'You'll be brilliant; the perfect nurse,' she said, squeezing his hand before jumping off the wall to head towards their street. She looked behind her to see Rory staring after her, stunned, and she laughed. 'Don't let it go to your head, now ... come on, Rory. If you're heading away soon, we have a lot of stuff to do.'
She watched him for the next few weeks, trying desperately to imprint him in her memory so that if he never came back from university at least she would remember him, remember the things they had shared. Going away was the right thing for him to do, she realised. He already looked happier and more confident now that he knew what he wanted to do with his life. Even though the thought of him moving on, leaving her stuck behind in Leadworth, made Amy's heart ache, she didn't let Rory know how much she was going to miss him. It wasn't safe to let people know you needed them.
When he did move away, she realised he had been right. She still saw almost as much of him as she wanted. At school during the week she didn't have much time to miss him and he was home every weekend. The first weekend he came home he suggested that they should play the Doctor; it was obviously an attempt to make up to her that he had left. Amy quirked her head to the side and gave him a long look.
'You know, I don't think I want you to. Today I want to just be Amy and Rory.' The smile that lit up his face made Amy's stomach do a familiar swoop. 'The boyfriend swoop' she'd called it when Jeff had caused it; now she didn't know what it was and covered the feeling with teasing. 'I missed you, you idiot,' she said, punching him on the arm, 'and I want to hear all about your studies.'
It was more than a year later before Amy allowed herself to give in to the feelings that swoop had generated. It had become blindingly obvious that Rory liked her; she was the object of a lot of good-natured teasing from the adults around the village over it. However Amy hadn't allowed herself to look at her own feelings while Rory was so far away for so much of the week. Yes, his absence made Leadworth seem even duller than it usually was, but she told herself that was because they were friends and she missed his friendship. She didn't learn her mistake until she heard the rumour.
'Young Rory has a girlfriend away at that university, so I'm told.' Mrs Murray was in the front Living Room talking to Aunt Sharon and Amy overheard them as she came down the stairs. Her knees started trembling and she sank down clinging to the railings, the way she had as a little girl. 'They say he's thinking about staying up there a bit more now, not always being here for weekends. Of course his mother'll be sad she'll see less of him, but that's how young people are these days ...'
Aunt Sharon switched the TV set on and the rest of the conversation was drowned out. Amy remained fixed where she was on the stairs; jealousy washed over her as she thought of the faceless girl who was taking Rory away from her. Several minutes later she shook herself into action, wrapped her favourite red scarf around her neck, and set off to find Rory. It was Friday night and he should be home by now – if he wasn't cuddled up somewhere with his new girlfriend.
'Amy! It's brilliant to see you!' Rory gathered her up into one of his hugs and that same swoop took up residence in her stomach again. Amy pulled back and searched his face, wanting to read the news there, steeling herself for the knowledge before asking him about it. Rory frowned. 'What's the matter?'
'Nothing,' she said, putting on her most blinding smile. 'I just thought you might like to go get something to eat.' She tugged on his hand, but he held his ground.
'No, there's something wrong,' he reiterated. Amy's face fell; she cursed his ability to read her.
'I heard that you're thinking of staying in town more – not coming back for weekends so much.' She blushed and avoided his eye, not wanting to show him how much the news hurt her.
Rory laughed. 'It's true,' he said. Amy's heart fell and she dropped his hand. 'I'm going to be away for a couple of weekends because I have to do some practical work at one of the local hospitals. I'm sorry, but I have to do it. I'll be back as much as I can though.'
'So there's no secret girlfriend you're hiding from us country bumpkins?' Amy's voice was light and flirtatious again and she poked him in the chest as she said it. Rory laughed and shook his head.
Sixteen year old Amy Pond smiled, relieved. She didn't let Rory know what she had realised that day, though; it was dangerous to let people know you cared about them. She took care to kiss him a few weeks later, however, just to be sure of what she had felt. From that moment on they were sort of together, though Amy always shied away from calling him her boyfriend. She always got sick of boyfriends, and she wasn't ready to get sick of Rory. Rory was special but she could never let him know how special he was in case he disappeared on her, so she kissed him and teased him. Through it all she kept watching him – just to keep him safe from disappearing.
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(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-11 10:58 am (UTC)I love the way she slowly comes to realize her feelings for Rory and how he's always there for her, steadfast and supportive no matter what. I also love how clearly you show that he can read her - he knows her almost better than she knows herself.
She always got sick of boyfriends, and she wasn't ready to get sick of Rory. I just ADORE this explanation for Amy's aloofishness - it's beautiful. And It rings very true, especially in light of the backstory you've given her.
she could never let him know how special he was in case he disappeared on her, okay, reading this line makes Amy's loss at the end of "Cold Blood" even more heartbreaking. She finally lets him in and then the thing she's always feared happens. :( Poor, poor Amy.
Brilliant job on this. I really love the depth you've given to these two. THIS is what I've been craving all season - Well done!
(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-11 08:58 pm (UTC)I'm glad you enjoyed it. I just love both of these two and Amy's backstory is so fascinating now that we know what was so screwy about her childhood. To me it's obvious, especially later in the series, how much Rory means to Amy and I wanted to take a look at how and why that happened. I'm so glad it came across for you :)
(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-11 05:10 pm (UTC)Lovely story.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-11 08:59 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-12 12:25 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-12 01:24 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-12 02:56 am (UTC)YES. This is Amy, right there. PERFECT. ^_^
(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-12 03:29 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-12 06:23 pm (UTC)Her hand tingled as it rested in his and she felt alive in a way she hadn't realised she'd missed while Rory had been away.
This is my favourite line. It's really, really gorgeous, and really vivid - I can almost see Amy's facial expressions as she felt the tingle :)
(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-12 08:39 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-21 02:06 am (UTC)So much about this is great characterization -- Amy covering her "boyfriend swoop" with teasing (not to mention the ever-present arm punch), her aloofness as a defense mechanism, even her dependence on Rory's friendship.
I also really liked Rory -- it's true what you said, he's not timid. A bit awkward and shy, perhaps, but someone fascinating enough to keep Amelia Pond's attention.
My "favorite" line was probably this, though: She watched him for the next few weeks, trying desperately to imprint him in her memory so that if he never came back from university at least she would remember him, remember the things they had shared.
Other commenters have mentioned how sad it is that she so desperately didn't want him to disappear, and how it happened at the end of Cold Blood anyway, but what really struck me was how she tried to remember him. And she did, even when he'd been erased. How could I forget you?
Lovely story.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-21 06:34 am (UTC)I love what you say about the two of them (her aloofness as a defense -- and the punching -- and his awkwardness masking his fascination) and I'm glad you think I got them in character.
How could I forget you, indeed :) I just love the two of them together.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-02-14 09:34 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-05-24 11:31 pm (UTC)Thank you so much for this. Making people happy makes me happy so you made me happy :D
(no subject)
Date: 2011-05-27 06:29 pm (UTC)Yay for happiness! :D